Little part of me, Uncategorized

My First Love Part 1

It’s been 5 years now but it feels like yesterday when you asked me to be special person. You were a breath of fresh for me, just what I needed and wanted.

You come as a surprise and I’m not a fan of surprises but you made me live my romantic movie in real life, you showed me what real true love is all about.

That night I called you, I knew deep down, our connection was magical, talking to you comes easy and mind you I was not a talker but you brought that part of me out.

                            Smile..
I’m smiling remembering our first kiss, I was nervous and shy but as you placed your hands on my cheek, I could feel the warmth of your hands, I could feel your sweet breath against my face, you teasing me by placing your fingers on my lips playfully before bringing your lips against mine.

His warm soft like silk lips, I could taste the sweetness of his lips. Our kiss ends several moment later, leaving me gasping for air and wanting more.

My eyes move down to glance at his lips again and in a spilt second  we were connected again for the second kiss, I could feel his tongue gently press against my lips , silently asking for permission to enter my mouth. I parted my lips slightly felt my heart beat faster. His tongue exploring my mouth before finding my tongue. A small moan leaves my mouth. Fireworks in my mouth and butterflies in my stomach, I found my weakness.

Was I dreaming, this feeling is way better than what I see in movies. I found my person.

Your random weird texts would always light up my face, you had a way with words just like me.

Our passionate weekend still the best weekend of my life. The playful moments in bed, the long talks about our future and just laying next to you being in your arms was my favourite place.

The way you would do things to make me happy, I remember this one time you called from a shop just to ask what chocolate I wanted *sweet moments* like that made me realise that this was more, way more.

Thinking of the night I said I love you.. I was nervous, rehearsed it over and over in my head hoping you were feeling the same way. I was sitting next to you, remembering you asked “what is wrong with me” my mouth was dry for some reason couldn’t get a word out but then the words just slipped out “I love you ” the way his face lighted up was so feaking amazing and him saying it back let my heart skip a beat.

I have some many reasons to smile looking back on our story. You will forever be my true love.

You will always have a place in my heart.

You can look forward part 2 where I will be sharing how we ended things between us.

Little part of me, Uncategorized

Protective of My Heart

So have built this wall around my heart, just like the great wall of China to prevent unwanted people. Since my last relationship some donkey years ago I have not given my heart, body and soul to anyone the way I did with my last partner and this is not cause I’m not over him.

So my friends think I’m single cause of my silly dating requirements which I believe are not that silly at all.

Let me share with you what my requirements are
1. Clean beautiful feet, toes and nails shortly cut.
2. None Smoker,  smoking is a big turn off.
3. Honest, caring and truthful.
4. Kissable lips ( must have a shape ) not sure if this makes sense.
5. Good looking (which is everyone’s requirement).

That’s not a lot of requirements for the person who will take up a place in my heart and life. I believe in true authentic love, I have never believe in one night stands or having meanless sex with a complete stranger I met, making love is a very passionate moment for me because I’m sharing my body, soul and a part of me that I just don’t give to anyone.

So with this said I have been talking to people and ignoring others *laugh * to prove to my friends I’m ready….

The S is for serious, NS not sure and N is no.

Weirdly most of the people I have been talking to are kind of not single and I don’t want to break people up.

First one been “K” now K is in a crazy love relationship thing, not sure if it’s healthy but it works for them I guess. I liked K before I found out K was not available but we made out once thanks to wine and weed, my world those lips were magic on mine and it was just the two of us in the room I was lost in space. He is easy to talk to, makes me laugh. Just think we would make a great couple but that’s not going to happen.

Almost checks everything on my requirement list. K is N (no).

Secondly G
G has been the one since day one, we had this instant connection when we met. I was super shy but he just knew how to make me feel at easy. I almost open my heart for him cause he seemed genuine and real but I guess it was just a game for him. Playing with my feelings, leaving me confused and unsure.

We shared so much, first person I allowed to get real close to me, just to get mix signal from him.

We still talk now and then, meets all my requirements but just not the right one for me. My Mr. Wrong G (NO)

Thirdly N
I’m not sure what is happening with this one but at least N is single, just too damage from the last relationship.  Sweet person which requires a lot of work, not really sure if I’m up for that. We chat now, then, we met a week back and he cooked me. I call him the funny guy, made me feel comfortable and at easy.

But not meeting most of my requirements sadly. NS (not sure)

Fourthly S
I have no idea what is happening here. Met a while back at a event was kind of feeling him but was not sure till I man up and ask for the number chatted but the connection is weak off like MTC’s connection sometimes. Don’t feel like forcing the situation but his lips and eyes are like a mirror great to get lost into, short just like me, confident and don’t give a shit about what people think. Like that,  still have to see the feet and toes but just don’t see us mixing.

Doesn’t check off most of my requirements and definitely a No (N)

Lastly I
New on the scene but refreshing good for my mind. Crazy how we met, it was at an event of a friend, didn’t like him at first sight but later on the wine did it’s thing I guess. The next day I got the number from a friend and also dropped a friend request on Facebook.
One night I was awake on instagram it was around 4:00 in the morning, he liked one of my pictures and I slipped into his DM. Short story we exchanged numbers and started chatting like crazy.  The sweetest moment was when he woke me up with a text cause my alarm didn’t go off that morning… smile but I’m confused about him. We met for the second time this weekend, he gave me this big ass hug, he makes me smile. He has this innocent face, cute ass smile and he wears glasses what more can I say about this book lover. Still have to see his feet and toes.
Not sure about him, don’t want to get into something just not yet. Taking my time on this one.

To my friends don’t say I’m not trying. All I want is someone who will promise to take care of my heart cause I have been single for a while now.

I’m die hard romantic, I believe in love, in the promise of giving myself to the one I love not like but LOVE.

I’m opening my heart up for disappointment and hurt

Little part of me, Uncategorized

The Wrong One Who felt So Right

Stupidly I’m waiting on you to feel differently about me, one year later and I’m still hoping maybe one day you will wake up feeling the same about me.

I should know better, not to hold on to feelings that are hurting me more than  making me happy because that is what not  love is supposed to be like.

Only your texts can make me feel butterflies, leaving me breathing and make me look crazy to my friends. I really thought I put my feelings to bed that I felt for you.

Breaks my heart seeing you with someone else when all I want is your company, I have made peace with only having you as a friend.

Yes!! The letter I wrote last year to you left me in tears, broken in a way and you are not blame I tell myself, it was a game for you and you played with my heart and  emotion knowing that you are starting a fire in my heart, one I wish I could kill by turning all warmth in my heart to ice for you.

You shouldn’t have allowed me to get close to you in that way from the begin, you used my innocence to full your  loneliness by lying to me, don’t get me wrong I don’t hate you just the way you make me feel.

All I wanted was to be loved by you the way I had loved you. I was not asking for your atm card pin but for the keys to your heart, clearly you were not ready for all the love I was willing to give you.

Had your phone’s password but the only password I required was the one to your heart, mind and soul.

Sometimes find myself wishing that can make you feel the what I felt about you once.

I should stop allowing people to make my heart their play ground.

I hope you are happy with what you settled for because you never find another one like me.

My love will always be greater.