Uncategorized, Little part of me

Protective of My Heart

So have built this wall around my heart, just like the great wall of China to prevent unwanted people. Since my last relationship some donkey years ago I have not given my heart, body and soul to anyone the way I did with my last partner and this is not cause I’m not over him.

So my friends think I’m single cause of my silly dating requirements which I believe are not that silly at all.

Let me share with you what my requirements are
1. Clean beautiful feet, toes and nails shortly cut.
2. None Smoker,  smoking is a big turn off.
3. Honest, caring and truthful.
4. Kissable lips ( must have a shape ) not sure if this makes sense.
5. Good looking (which is everyone’s requirement).

That’s not a lot of requirements for the person who will take up a place in my heart and life. I believe in true authentic love, I have never believe in one night stands or having meanless sex with a complete stranger I met, making love is a very passionate moment for me because I’m sharing my body, soul and a part of me that I just don’t give to anyone.

So with this said I have been talking to people and ignoring others *laugh * to prove to my friends I’m ready….

The S is for serious, NS not sure and N is no.

Weirdly most of the people I have been talking to are kind of not single and I don’t want to break people up.

First one been “K” now K is in a crazy love relationship thing, not sure if it’s healthy but it works for them I guess. I liked K before I found out K was not available but we made out once thanks to wine and weed, my world those lips were magic on mine and it was just the two of us in the room I was lost in space. He is easy to talk to, makes me laugh. Just think we would make a great couple but that’s not going to happen.

Almost checks everything on my requirement list. K is N (no).

Secondly G
G has been the one since day one, we had this instant connection when we met. I was super shy but he just knew how to make me feel at easy. I almost open my heart for him cause he seemed genuine and real but I guess it was just a game for him. Playing with my feelings, leaving me confused and unsure.

We shared so much, first person I allowed to get real close to me, just to get mix signal from him.

We still talk now and then, meets all my requirements but just not the right one for me. My Mr. Wrong G (NO)

Thirdly N
I’m not sure what is happening with this one but at least N is single, just too damage from the last relationship.  Sweet person which requires a lot of work, not really sure if I’m up for that. We chat now, then, we met a week back and he cooked me. I call him the funny guy, made me feel comfortable and at easy.

But not meeting most of my requirements sadly. NS (not sure)

Fourthly S
I have no idea what is happening here. Met a while back at a event was kind of feeling him but was not sure till I man up and ask for the number chatted but the connection is weak off like MTC’s connection sometimes. Don’t feel like forcing the situation but his lips and eyes are like a mirror great to get lost into, short just like me, confident and don’t give a shit about what people think. Like that,  still have to see the feet and toes but just don’t see us mixing.

Doesn’t check off most of my requirements and definitely a No (N)

Lastly I
New on the scene but refreshing good for my mind. Crazy how we met, it was at an event of a friend, didn’t like him at first sight but later on the wine did it’s thing I guess. The next day I got the number from a friend and also dropped a friend request on Facebook.
One night I was awake on instagram it was around 4:00 in the morning, he liked one of my pictures and I slipped into his DM. Short story we exchanged numbers and started chatting like crazy.  The sweetest moment was when he woke me up with a text cause my alarm didn’t go off that morning… smile but I’m confused about him. We met for the second time this weekend, he gave me this big ass hug, he makes me smile. He has this innocent face, cute ass smile and he wears glasses what more can I say about this book lover. Still have to see his feet and toes.
Not sure about him, don’t want to get into something just not yet. Taking my time on this one.

To my friends don’t say I’m not trying. All I want is someone who will promise to take care of my heart cause I have been single for a while now.

I’m die hard romantic, I believe in love, in the promise of giving myself to the one I love not like but LOVE.

I’m opening my heart up for disappointment and hurt

Little part of me, Uncategorized

Thinking about you Thinking about you

Thinking about the one person I should not being thinking of but when  the memories are so beautiful I can’t help thinking of you.

While I was busy writing this a text from you popped up on my phone screen, telling myself this is crazy Joe.

This very person has the power to change my mood in a minute, the kind of power I don’t want anyone to have over me. Everyday I tell myself no, no I can’t allow you back in mt life because it took me a while to get you out of my heart, mind and thoughts.

So weird I’m what you need and you are what I need, we are like music together. At the same time my days are cold without you like a winter morning and I can’t keep running back to you, maybe we best at being friends.

You know the effect you have on me, like a piece of cake sweet but the long term effects being bad for me.

Guess I’m destined to always write about you and my ever so confusing feelings for you.

Little part of me, Uncategorized

The Wrong One Who felt So Right

Stupidly I’m waiting on you to feel differently about me, one year later and I’m still hoping maybe one day you will wake up feeling the same about me.

I should know better, not to hold on to feelings that are hurting me more than  making me happy because that is what not  love is supposed to be like.

Only your texts can make me feel butterflies, leaving me breathing and make me look crazy to my friends. I really thought I put my feelings to bed that I felt for you.

Breaks my heart seeing you with someone else when all I want is your company, I have made peace with only having you as a friend.

Yes!! The letter I wrote last year to you left me in tears, broken in a way and you are not blame I tell myself, it was a game for you and you played with my heart and  emotion knowing that you are starting a fire in my heart, one I wish I could kill by turning all warmth in my heart to ice for you.

You shouldn’t have allowed me to get close to you in that way from the begin, you used my innocence to full your  loneliness by lying to me, don’t get me wrong I don’t hate you just the way you make me feel.

All I wanted was to be loved by you the way I had loved you. I was not asking for your atm card pin but for the keys to your heart, clearly you were not ready for all the love I was willing to give you.

Had your phone’s password but the only password I required was the one to your heart, mind and soul.

Sometimes find myself wishing that can make you feel the what I felt about you once.

I should stop allowing people to make my heart their play ground.

I hope you are happy with what you settled for because you never find another one like me.

My love will always be greater.

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New??

Laugh so I stepped out side of my comfort zone last night, tried something I don’t normally do and it was not that bad.

Let me take you back..
I met this guy on snapchat, don’t know how we ended up following each other but it happened.

We had this on and off chat situation on snap which was cool and all but the days we had no credit meant no chatting.

I braved up and gave my number and asked for his number, for some reason I felt at ease with him.

The on and off chatting still continued but on whatsapp this time.

Seems the like last relationship he was in real did a number on him to the point that he believes being alone is much better than being in another situation that may leave him in pieces again. I don’t blame him at all for thinking like that because love is like an ocean , you never really sure how deep it is till you get into the water. At first the water may be cold but it does not mean the water will not warm up later because water is like love no place to hold on to.

I have been asking to meet him for sometime now, seeing that we both are in Windhoek. Surprisingly when I ask yesterday if I could come over for dinner he said yes, for a moment I thought he was joking *laugh * but he was not after all.

Let’s get into last night
So I arrived at his place and it was not that weird at all because I’m super shy when I first meet someone for the first time but this time was completely different.

Not sure if it’s the fact that he made me feel at easy or his silly jokes that got me talking alot last night.

He told me what kind of music he listens to luckily we almost got the same taste in music but on the movie scene he like actions, horror films which I don’t like at all I’m more of romantic comedy kind of a guy but will take a series over a movie anytime.

The best part of the night was his cooking, it was not too bad at all.

That moments when we would just look at each other and start laughing for not reason.

Like all good things the night had to sadly come to an end. Getting a cab was just impossible, the wait was just way too long and it was cold last night but having him wait with me was crazy fun his jokes were just the ones.

Like the good boy I am I ended the night with a big tight hug.

I’m a little confused cause we have not talked since last night but maybe he his busy at work.

It’s hard to tell his emotions.

I’m sure what I’m feeling at the moment,  just to early to say anything on that now.

That was my about last night.

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My Adventurous Week

This week reflects doesn’t have much on the cards, with so many public holidays we had this week it was hard to be productive but I was able to do a lot with the little time I had.

Let me break it down..

This week was so fun surprisingly, crazy is not the right word to use to describe my behaviour.

I was so feeling myself this week, must have been the fact that I got my hair.

Work

The vibe at work this week felt like a political congress was taking place *laugh* not saying much on that.
I must say the highlight of my week is the hours I spent at work and the fun moments it brings which turns into beautiful memories.

My Night Out

This week a friend of mine Mark Kariahuua announced his new website and his one man show, he is a hot  comedian by the way just putting it out there but I’m not sure if he is single ladies.

To make things worse the event had an open bar but sadly no food. I swear I only had two drinks *laugh * still needs to be proven according my friends ,the fact that I don’t remember what happened that night and how I got home. I must say it’s wonderfully refreshing to have care free night.
I did nothing that broke any laws luckily or else I would’ve had my first night in jail *laugh * however I did something stupid that most of us do when we have too much to drink, I’m referring to that drunk phone call and text moment.  In my case I was a victim of taking a picture after throwing up who does that , to make it worse I sent the picture to the person I had a crush on, I have never be this embarrassed.
Clearly my phone had its own agenda that night and funny enough it was flat in the morning to hide what it did *laugh *.

Was a beautiful evening, with amazing people and a very weird ending.

Crush of the week

Mmmmm…. I was not completely sure if i was crushing on this person because that night I had some wine not sure about the amount of glasses and it’s not allowed to count *laugh * just made that up by. Back to what I was saying about my crush, so I saw the person again on Saturday night looking much cuter then I can remember, clearly it was not the wine. I was like God please stop this, whatever it is reason being most people look single but are dating but I must admit I have a little crush on his smile.

Best part we took a picture together thanks to wine of that other night.

Superhero of the week

My crazy ass friend Janet reason being I asked her to get information on the person I’m crushing on and she got me the name already, it pays to have a journalist friend who also wants to see you happy.

Again it was not easy getting her to do this, I had to blackmail her first *laugh* a little motivation is needed sometimes when  dealing with friends.

Best Moment of my week

Seeing Oteya’s performance at the CD  launch of my Ongoma , this woman is truly a entertainer she deserves to be call  Queen Oteya.  Never disappoints, always bringing fire to the stage. Loveeeeeeee it

Lessons learned

Be present in the moment 😄.

To say what I feel, when I feel it. Nothing is more disappointing that unsaid words,it kills the ‘what if’ , ‘what could’ve been’ and most importantly it gives you peace of mind.

Achievements

Growth is always on the agenda every week.

One of my blog post being published in the Namibian Sun Newspaper,  thanks to June.

Not reacting on my emotions.

Live your life the best way possible you never know when it’s your last day.

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My Peaceful Week

My Peaceful Week

Another reflects on a week that has passed. This was one of my most peaceful Weeks I had which is so weird for me. This week also marked our term break for College.

Let me break it down..

I have been in totally control of my feelings this week, that of people I like and used to liked.

People have a way of showing their feelings towards you without saying a word, it’s true the eyes are the windows of a person’s soul and I have seen yours this week.

Work

I don’t feel like touching on work this week, no weird story to share unfortunately just my colleagues being crazy fun individuals.

School

This week I’m including College because we are officially on break and this is one really long. It was a fantastic first term passed all of my classes and got 3rd position all over in class for this term but wanted first place. Just happy my friend is number 1 for this term, friendship goals.
Will miss all of my life loving class mates, hope you guys will make crazy memories this break and have some amazing sex please.

Crush of the week

Another week is passing by and I’m still crush on you idiot, laughing with you is the second best part of my day. Lastly thanks for keeping it real KN.

Superhero of the week

The most unexpected person is my food superhero *laugh* since last week I have be craving cake and koeksister 😊. So I ask my Co host to buy me a slice of cake and he say no however to my surprise he was waiting for me with cake at work guys I swear this single handily made my weekend. A dark,soft chocolate cake slice, with sweet jam in the inside and with every bite came an orgasm in my mouth leaving me wanting more and more, the power of cake. All thanks to my food superhero Kotjii.

Lessons learned

Not to be afraid to give into my feelings,  you only live once.
The importance of being thankful for the  people in my live.
Liking someone is okay, as long as it doesn’t hurt you in the process or makes you unhappy in any way.
Only move on when you are ready even if the other person has moved on already because your feelings are not the same and you don’t share the same journey. Wait till you are ready then close it off with your own time.

Achievements

Growth is always on the agenda every week.

Being happy without a reason.

You have 7 days, you can spend them unhappy, complaining about life or you can take those days and turn them into days of gratitude.

Learn to celebrate your life every day because it’s a gift and the best way to spend a gift is by enjoying it.

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Emotional Roller Coaster of a (a late post)

First time I’m reflecting on my week because this one was so different, saw people’s true colours ,what I mean to them and being made aware of my position in their lives.

Let’s get straight into…

My feelings for you

When this week started I never imagined it will end like this with my feelings all over the place, questioning people’s role in my life, the love for what I’m doing, and my feelings for You. Truly thought this week would be the one that I stop liking you for all the wrong reasons, that your name wouldn’t cross my lips however I know I’m not in love with you,  knowing that my heart is save from you gives me peace or is this a lie I tell myself when you cross my mind 5 times a day or it could be stupidly. The hot flashes I get when you are around me, your body gets me thinking dirty thoughts, think this is one of the ways you are busy leaving my system.

Work

Had some work drama this week all because of a tweet I sent and shit got real but I handled it the Olivia Pope way I fixed the shit out of it lol watching scandal payed of after all however I was in the wrong and let’s just leave it there.

One more thing I got the best colleagues this doesn’t include all of them by the way and the craziest, sweetest boss ever.

My crush of the week

Yes! I had one this week with an amazing voice. Thanks to a friend who dragged me to an event which was worth going to. So back to my crush cute is not the right word to use for this person, I need a new word. When the person when on stage to sing, that was the highlight of my, a beautiful voice made me realise why I came and just what I needed in that very moment. As always I was so shy couldn’t get a word out but got the name at least and now we are friends on Facebook.

Not my type I realise this later.

My superhero for the week

My extra friend Nashawn, the word extra doesn’t describe this soul of a person but  he made this week so fun and crazy for me. Thanks for being there, for caring and for the support.
Next weekend is your time to shine, I’m sure that Nama award is already yours because I voted my ass off for you.

Lessons learned

To live in the moment.
To ignore my feelings for you.
Not to trust people completely.
Stop giving fuck.
To be careful of people.
Open up a little because I’m very shy.
Most importantly to have an open mind to learn something new every day.
Always choose happiness and peace of mind.

Achievements

Growth on a personal, educational, work level.

And Yes! I’m ready to love and to be loved.

Owning next week, every single day is a blessing and a chance for rebrith.

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Connection failed

You know when you meet someone for the first time and they are almost what you want but there is no real connection or I have just been down playing it for a while.

That awkward moment when we both look at each, caught in the moment for a short while but there is a problem I have not seen the persons feet yet because I’m a feet lover.

Long story short….

The person rocks up yesterday gives my friend a hug and walks up to me, I asked “I’m also getting a hug” to my surprise the person said yes come here and the person is a really good hugger. Feeling the heat of the person against my body was weirdly nice , leaving me wondering what the kiss would be like but it’s just one of those people you just  want to be friends with.

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I’m so confused

I know I can’t have you but you make me want you knowing that you are in a position which doesn’t allow you to have me.
Thinking about you has become second nature however I’m fighting my feelings that are already there. I ask myself “how did this happen” why me ? Then I see your smile ,I have my answer and the way you light up when you smile leaves me weak to the point that I can’t stand on my own.  Your laugh is music to my ears, your voice is medicine to my soul, all I need is a little bit but could this very same medicine be the death of me? Are you busy killing me slowly? I’m turning into a  victim of love. The way you look at me makes me feel like I’m the only boy in the world, I’m your Eiffel Tower if you only allow me to light up your world. My perfect moment is when you look at me, the way you do without saying a word,  the way our eyes meet and connect for a moment is just the two of us. I call it our language because no one else gets it but us.
When you touch me it feels like my body is melting in your hands, you are the fire my body needs to stay warm at the same time I’m scared that this very fire can burn me out. My lips can’t simply forget yours, the fire I felt when our lips met for the first time, felt like I was falling from a high building and you were right there to catch me, your kisses set my lips on fire and now you want to kill it. I was fine without you, why did you ask me about my feelings, knowing you can’t keep the fire burning that you have started. Hating you has crossed my mind like the wind blowing on a cold winter morning but then my heart is heated up by your voice like the sun heats up the earth on a cold afternoon.
Why are we fighting this? I’m ready to fall for you completely but I’m not sure you will be there to catch me.
It kills me slowly when you ask me to stop thinking about you in that way.
If you can’t be happy with me, I hope you will be happy with the person you with. Your happiness is my favourite season, seeing you laugh is my summer, seeing you smile is my spring.
Could this be the end to my short lived fairytale?
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We all need that love story to be true

Yes, could 2017 be the year of real true love? A love that is so strong that allows us to be vulnerable and to show a different side. Love only occurs when you allow it to, I know falling is really a scaring feeling but you will not know unless you try. Some scars are worth all the trouble in the end because happiness is a road full of roses with thorns, sometimes you will get hurt but that will teach you to be careful next time. We should always keep in mind that love doesn’t happen overnight, it takes time to grow into what you want it to be.

Love is not measured by how soon you say the word or how fast you take your clothes off for someone or how expensive the gifts you buy are, love is one of those cheap things we all can afford to buy but if it comes with a price tag then it’s not love. This may sound stupid but the true measure of love is not giving up on your partner, always being around without saying a word, being their life saver when they need one and most importantly listening with understanding in order to communicate effectively.

Never forget to love yourself because in most cases we forget to love ourselves while in the process of falling in love, only then can you give yourself fully to the next person.

In most case we all don’t experience that love we want and need but don’t let that stop you from experiencing this wonderful thing called love, there is a rock for you in the sea, it takes time for it to reach the beach, in the meantime play in the sand get your feet wet, feel the cold water between your toes. Live life and don’t wait to fall in love.

We all want to wake up to a beautiful smile next to us, a passionate kiss for breakfast, an ear that never gets tired to hear our voices. Know that you are loved for who you are and not what you have or how you look.

Let’s be brave enough this year to falling love and live the love story you have been dreaming off or reading about it in books, let that movie be yours. Let’s say goodbye to being a booty call or the side piece on the plate.

Let’s be drunk in love for 2017.