Little part of me

Here’s to my Ex’s Thank You

Music by Ariana Grande Thank U, Next & Sam Smith  Baby, You Make Me Crazy.

The first

This one of the craziest stories to share with you, not sure how it happened but it did and it was fireworks. The person was on my case for months and mind you that I was all new at this dating/hooking up thing. Let’s just say the person broke down the door, more like the zipper of my pants. It was so intense, you made me want you in every way possible. So how down the line I knew that we will not last but the moment was so hard to escape from.

Thank you for showing how to love without any shame. For being passionate. You cheated and I walked away, I’m grateful I choose myself over you.

The one (My first true love)

You were the one from the first day we met, I just didn’t know it but the universe clearly did. From the moment we start talking on the phone, the longest conversation I had with anyone. It was not only the fantastic sex but the way you loved me. The things we talked about our future plans, the number of kids we were going to have. I loved the fact that you were the first one I would talk to in the morning, my afternoon escape and the last person I would share my thoughts with at night. I knew I had your heart from the way you would look at me with your dark brown chocolate eyes and your cute smile that would light up my day. Our love was pure and real. I experienced how it felt like making love with someone you are in love with. The way you took ownership of my body, thing you did to it to bring pleasure to every part of my body. The way your mouth would travel down my body teasing me, making me want you more and more. Your kisses were my weakness.

I would’ve married you in a heart beat.

Thank you for loving me in your own way and for being my cheerleader. The personal growth you added to my life.

You taught me the importance of education and how no one can take it away from me.

Thank you for all the lies I discovered about you. I respect you for trying to protecting me against it all. I loved you. You were the one.

My cheese cake

You were one of the sweetest seasons in my life, just what I needed at that moment in my life.

Call me stupid for not being good at reading signs or else we would have been together soon. Your soft white skin as the clouds in the sky a company by your sweet pink lips but your eyes were my favourite part as I would get lost in them like I’m in the Namib desert. Your touch would give me goose bumps and the way my name escapes from your lips is something I would never get over. I would tell you to say my name over and over, your accent was the one.

Our deep meaningful conversation were also music to my ears, the way you would make feel like we were in the same town while you were 500 KM away from me. Your kindness is out of this world. You will always have a place in my heart. Thank you.

Thank you for being in my corner and believing in me when I didn’t believe in my abilities.

My librarian

You came unexpectedly in my life. Our book is filled with beautiful, hurtful memories each chapter has different story to tell.

What was it about you ? I asked myself was your innocent face or your laughter or your take on life, still don’t know the answer to the question but I know it was wonderful. Your silly jokes are missed. The way you would make it your mission to make me laugh when I was feeling down.

No one has hurt me more than you did, you made me feel things about myself that no one should be feeling while in the arms  of the one they love.

Your lies killed what I felt for you. I stupidly entrusted my heart to a fool like you.

Thank you for making me realise that we were never meant to be. I promise myself to never put myself through what you did to me. I’m not sure if you were aware of the fact that I knew every you were doing.

I almost hate you for being a crowd.

Thanking you to all 4 of you for being what I needed in my life at that point in time.

I have learned to love myself more than I love the person I’m with. To know when to walk away from a toxic relationship. Pain has been a great teacher but it won’t stop me from falling in love. I’m true grateful for the moments we shared.

But for now I’m choosing myself, loving myself in unexplainable ways and protecting my innocence from people who are not worthy of it.

Thank You, Next

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Little part of me

Sweet Memories of You

I never knew a fun, wild moment would transform into a sweet beautiful moment. The way you made me feel was incredible.  It was a raining evening I was all alone in my hotel room so I decided to go on Facebook and there your name was popping up on the list of people I may know, crazy it was the first time seeing it so I decided to sent you a friend request and slide into your DM and you responded so fast. We chatted for hours and you were working a night shift. We exchanged numbers that night I had you on my mind.

The next day I woke up to a text from you, you had a way with words which I loved. Using the oldest line in the book you asked if I had movies on my laptop and next thing you were at my hotel room with the biggest smile on your face, my eyes met yours and you could tell I was nervous but you found a way pass my nervousness and shyness.

Your voice was music to my ears and your lips were like a piece of chocolate cake waiting for me to take a bite.

We talked for a couple of hours and lost track of time. You ended up spending the night what an in tense night it was.

With every kiss I wanted more of you I wanted all of you for myself, we took our time exploring each others bodies. We discovered each others pleasure points. It was a beautiful wild night and waking up to you in my arms was the best. Your jokes about taking the walk of shame was really funny.

You were back again at my room the next evening which was my last one in Windhoek and you made it incredibly special. We promise to stay in touch with a distance of 500 KM between us.

You call me every day and we never ran out of things to talk or say to each other. We allow each other to see beneath the layers. Your texts were the highlight of my day.

We started to date, it was so unbelievable how we made the distance seem like nothing.

I went to visit you for a weekend and it was fun at first we had a great night of making love, your body melted into mine.

Next day it was kind of weird, I could sense something was off but not sure what it was. You went out with your friends leaving me all alone at your flat but I was fine with it that’s what I told myself not to cry or feel bad. You came back in the evening drunk and wanting sex.

Sunday came the day I was supposed to leave and you headed to work in the morning promising you would come back before I had to go but you didn’t.

So I left you one of my bracelet on the table in the kitchen with a note. I just knew it was kind of over.

We never broke up. We just went quite on each other.

Labyrinths beneath your beautiful inspired this blog post.

 

Fun, Little part of me

My Spring Feelings

I hate the part when you have to start over with someone from the beginning, the small conversational starters but then you find someone who makes this process of getting to know each other so easy and fun that you don’t notice that you are letting the person in slowly. The conversation is so good you forget about everything around you including turning off your data (we all know how expensive data is ) but the fact that you are scared that if you turn it off you would miss their reply which can kill the whole conversation so you just wait and wait.

Now this has been the case with me last week, found someone who I could have a decent conversation with and I’m not talking about the “good morning or good night text” type of conversion but the kind that makes you smile and scared because you feel like you are over sharing now but when that person responds with the same energy which makes you not want to over think by the way I do that a lot.

When you don’t hear anything from the person and would go and check their last seen on WhatsApp and sometimes you would find them online but they not texting. You feel like maybe just maybe they are busy.

You tell yourself this was just conversation so not to get ideas and that’s what I told myself. Guess I was right about not waiting or getting attached to you, maybe you were that spring break I needed, something colorful, beautiful and to make me laugh.Just imagine we didn’t even meet in person. I loved your honesty in our conversations, your realism was refreshing like the breeze in the morning not too cold.

And I’m not sure if I like you or  not but the moment was just too overwhelming to think about that because I was taking it one reply at a time knowing sooner or later it would stop whether it was from your end or mine

.

Feels like you were that flower that was blown into my hands by mistake.

My way, Uncategorized

The friendship Golden Rules

They say friends are family you can choose and I couldn’t agree more with this sentiment because it’s very important you are aware of the people and the kind of energy you allow in your life. Now a days you find the words ‘friendship’, ‘best friend’, ‘chomie” being use loosely we should be very careful who we refer to us a friend because not everyone is your friend.  Friendships are like elevators; they are either bringing you up or taking you down.

A friend is someone who has a bond of mutual affection with you, knows you inside out and still loves you for who you are. They chip in when you don’t have enough money to buy something, they are your unpaid therapist who listen to all your problems, cries and laughs with you in good and bad moments. Sometimes it’s really hard to find a person like that, I always thought I’ll be friends for life with all of childhood friends just because we had spent so much time together look at me now I hardly know them and they turned out to be completely different people which is not a bad thing at all.

Choose friends who encourage, strengthens you and shares the same values. The most important element of an adult friendship is having emotional support that doesn’t come with unnecessary criticism, rather be nonjudgmental.

A friend respects your opinions and trust your advice because it comes from a place of honesty. These are my golden rules to a long strong fruitful friendship.

Respects

As one of the building blocks of friendship, It all starts with respecting your friend’s chooses although you may not be happy with it, all you can do sometimes is lay out different options for them and being there to support them. Respect is the frame of the door.

Trust

Trust is the foundation of a long lasting friendship. This is how you build up your friendship and been able to confidential confide in a friend without worry about someone knowing your shit! And no matter what happens always respect the element of trust in your friendship even if you guys stop being friends. Trust is the key that unlocks the door.

Honesty and loyalty

The fundamental building block of any relationship. Honesty and loyalty is one of ingredients for a long lasting friendship. Not being afraid to call you out when you are making a bad choose, sometimes it can seem harsh but they have your best interest at heart. Honesty is the door of the friendship and loyalty is the door handle knowing that they can count on you.

You need to distinguish between friendly and being friends and understand the difference between casual friends and true friends. Knowing this allows you to have boundaries in your friendship.

Little part of me

The Break UP

Let’s just say we both knew it was over but not brave enough to  acknowledge it or that’s how I felt like.

It’s so crazy almost around about this time last year we were getting together,  you were not sure if you were ready for a relationship and I was scared to get hurt but still we made it work for 11 months which were by far the best. You made loving you so much fun and easy.  The weird moments I have experienced was your stupid dance moves that got me laughing藍 more than I was supposed to, the silly things you would do to make me laugh I swear that was your full-time job to get a smile on my face. I still remember our first kiss in the studio my favourite place, I was a little shy but really wanted to feel your lips against mine, to have some part of you and it was a beautiful nervous moment.

Our moments

That one time we escaped on walk around the Warehouse just for you to get me alone, I remember how our lips met and our tongues took over , a little moan escaped my mouth which made you pull me close while making my mouth your play ground. In that moment it was just us and you took that moment to show me your six-pack (between us not sure if it really was a six or 4 ) I ran my cold hands down your warm six pack with every part of me wanting you.

The pick ups

How can I forget that, the way you would pick me up in your arms just to show how strong you are but I think I love your hugs way more, being in  your arms were my favourite place,  feeling your heart beat against mine and knowing a kiss would follow soon like a beat of a song waiting on the chorus, softly touching my lips while our tongues fight for domination in each others mouth I would always let you win.

Date night ( we made it a thing)

Starts with us fighting over what to do or what movie to watch. I use to look forward to our date nights whether we were going out or not, just the fact that I was going to spend time with you and seeing your silly face that smile of yours would take me away from whatever I was going through. And the way you wanted to make me fat always feeding me but you still need to work on your cooking, as that one time you put too much salt in the food lol that’s what I’m going to miss.

Our awkward fights and I believe you do have a romantic side to you after all the sweet text messages, you had your moments.

The break up

We had the weirdest break I guess that’s what made us different.  Breaking up on our anniversary. I could see it in your eyes when I brought the topic up and how fast you said we should just go our separate ways. To  be honest a part of me wanted to grab you but I could see something has changed.

Thank you for loving me in your own special weird way. I just wanted to share the good memories we had that’s how I want to remember you.

You’ll always have a special place in my heart. I only realised too late that I loved you more than I knew. J I

 

Fun, My way

Keep The Fire Burning

I must say keeping the fire burning is one the most difficult things to do sometimes in a relationship especially if you were dating for a long time,  things just start to get boring which is a normal part of any relationship but you should be able to keep the fire burning it may not be easy but it’s do-able.

I always try to keep things as fun as possible and the best part is that sometimes my partner does the most which catches me off guard. Mind you my partner was not the most romantic person but had moments sometimes.

For me a relationship is just like making a fire, it’s not easy to get it started sometimes cause there is a lot of factors involved like the type of wood, cutting the wood and finally bringing it together to make a fire. The thing with a fire is that you need to put wood on to keep the fire going, just like in a relationship you need to put in effort no off days. Nothing feels as good as being kept warm by the flames of your fire, just like those passionate moments when your bodies are intertwined together.  Sometimes it’s  absolutely fine to let the flames go down to enjoy the warmth of the coals and the heat they provide.

Here are a couple of things I do to keep the fire burning in my relationship and hopefully it can also work for you.

1. Stop taking your partner for granted, always try to celebrate your partner. Always try to send a random text at random times.

 2. Take each other on surprise dates.
Planning “date nights” and let me tell you date night works, it’s still  a thing especially if you want to spend some time alone just to reconnect again and make it as fun as possible. Our date nights are always crazy and I like that. So let’s agree that “date night” is most certainly important.

 3. Dedicate a couple of hours a week without electronics.

I can see people making faces as they are  read this. I have noticed at first how much time we spend on our phones when we are together to the point that when my partner is speaking and I’m not listening to a single word, till I challenged us to spend less time on our phones when we are together. Now we are using that  precious time engaging in a meaningful conversation or just make fun of each other.

 4. Have more sex.

I’m sure you were waiting on this one *laugh* try to make it as random as possible, don’t wait for the bed to do it, nothing feels as good as surprise sex, having your breath knocked out of your body as you searching for more air in the mouth of your partner while holding on as tight as you can to their body. Do in the shower, do it in the car , do in the kitchen, do in a public rest room, you get the idea just do it shamelessly and you welcome to try that move you saw in a porn video. You will thank me later and remember there will be many times when one of you is in the mood to have sex when the other isn’t.

 5. Always kiss or hug your partner hello.

Nothing feels as good as having their body pressed against yours and feeling the warmth of it. Having your lips locked together while your tongues are fighting for domination in each others mouth. Hell, some people probably have sheets and pillowcases with the phrase on it. Yes, it is very important to kiss the one you love.

That’s how I used to keep the fire burning in my relationship and keep in mind its never easy there are days we both busy and can’t do date night but we still find a way to do something together. So this winter make sure you have enough firewood to keep that fire burning.

My WeeK

My First

First time I’m reflecting on my week for the year 2018 and I must say I really have missed doing this it’s like therapy for me.

Let’s get straight into…

My feelings for you (bae)

 

I must confess I have missed you more then I thought I would, not seeing or feeling your lips have been like torture to me but a part of me is busy giving up on us. Sometimes you just know when to walk away from a situation before it causes more  damage to you. Maybe I’m just over thinking things and this is how relationship go sometimes but a part of me is telling me something else.

 

Work

One of my happy places makes me feel like Olivia Pope way I fixed the shit out of it lol watching scandal payed of after all. We had this Nedbank Kapana cook off on Friday and my team was not ready at all, it was crazy I was panicking but my team was like   “we got this let’s just have fun”. We walked away with the 3rd prize I must admit it was exciting. Also love the way I ended the week on a high note with a great interview I had with Helena who was the drive personality on my show for the week,  her energy gave me live.

My superhero for the week

My Mom, this woman keeps me grounded. When I find myself in a situation I always ask myself what would my mom do. I’m so thankful to have an amazing mother like you. You give me my strength not to give up and to always have  a kind heart.

Lessons learned

To live in the moment.

To be thankful for what I have.

Not to be afraid to try out new things.

Not to trust people completely.

To be careful of people.

 

Achievements

 

Growth and development and implementation.

Learning not to let my emotions control my reponses.

Owning next week, every single day is a blessing and a chance for rebirth.

Uncategorized

A mother’s love

I love the fact that there is a day set aside to celebrate our mothers for everything they have done for us.

Thank you
For always protecting us against the evils of the world like a lioness would guard over her cups but allowing us to make mistakes in order to learn a lesson.
For loving us unconditional through all our faults, there is nothing greater than a mother’s love, understanding and forgiving heart.
The silent prayers they would say without us knowing and the sleepless nights cause of us.

As we celebrate Mother’s day today, let’s make time to spend with our mother’s, no gift is greater for her that spending time with her kids and seeing them happy. Let’s create amazing memories while our mother’s are still health and in good shape. Because there is a child somewhere in the world wishing they had there mother around, to be able to feel their mother’s love or just to see her for one last time, never take your mother for granted cause you never know when you will lost her. Don’t wait for her funeral to celebrate her do it now and not only on mother’s day but every single day of the year.

I always thank God for blessing me with a mother like mine, a strong independent woman with heart as big as the ocean with so much depth. You instilled powerful values in me, my brother and sister, that of always being respectfully, the art of being thankful and sharing the little we have even if it’s the last thing we have and always take our problems to God through prayer and lastly to how to be responsible independent individual.

I will be forever thankful for all the sacrifices you have made for us and still making. The early morning, the late evenings and for always being able to make us happy with the little you had.

Your happiness means the world to me, my time on earth will not be enough to repay everything you have done.

Make sure to treat your mom today in your own special way.

To my Mom and all mother’s we love you and we can’t imagine life with you but the fact that you have made us so strong to be able to handle anything if you are not around.

Little part of me

Us

I took a couple of pictures with you not knowing I would like you so much. I took your number not knowing if I would be brave enough to send you a text until you liked a couple of my pictures on instagram, I was not aware that you noticed me that night I couldn’t stop myself from liking a couple of your pictures.  And later on find myself in your DM at 2:00 am in the morning we exchanged numbers.

Not sure if I was crushing on you but I was trying to convince myself of reasons why I shouldn’t be liking you at all, firstly you were not my type ​laugh​ yes I have a type as crazy as it may sound I’m old school like that and secondly I was not ready to get all caught up with someone but you found a way to break through it all and to find a place in my heart.

Best part was that we were both scared of getting hurt but at the same time we were ready to give it a chance which was beautiful in a way. The weird part was it was all unplanned but a lovely surprise.

Our late night, our early morning talks were simply the best, the laughter, the funny moments while discovering who we were. Your calls were by far the best hearing your voice, hearing you call me babe for the first time was music to my heart.

I still ask myself why you?
How did it happen?
How did I allowed you to be so close to my heart?
Little part of me, Uncategorized

Broken one Healed

It was rainy Wednesday evening and all I could think about was you and seeing you. Our talk was the only thing I could think about as it got closer with every hour that was passing, it was scary not sure what to expect.

As I make my way to the coffee shop seeing you sitting there waiting for me with a big bright smile and a glass of cold beer. I could see you were more nervous than me but trying to hide it behind that cute smile of yours. As I took my seat the first words to escape from your mouth were “I’m sorry babe” that melted my heart, we both had so much to say sorry for little did I know by the end of the evening you hit me with one big secret that requires a millions sorries.

As always you force the food down my throat, asking me over and over if I’m good? My answer was accompanied with a weak smile and a “I’m okay babe” .

You said you had two things to tell me a confession and a question. The first question was what are my expectation of our relationship? It got me off guard and got me  thinking, my answer was short “I don’t expect a lot from you” my response really hurt you as you set with disbelief on your face but that’s how I felt. Your expectations of our relationship really surprised me, how you want to build on our love.

I swear I was not ready for your confession, something I never expected from you. As the words slid out of your mouth “I cheated on you in January because I was horny” in that moment it felt like someone took a knife and put it in my heart and turned it around going deeper with each turn not sure what to feel, you kept asking me how do I feel I didn’t reponse. I was sitting there thinking that I’m not enough for you and maybe if I had sex with you this would’ve never happened to me, knowing that you gave away a piece of you to someone who wasn’t me with all of this going on in my mind my response to you was I’m hurt that’s it you hurt me in a way that no one else has done before.

The weird part is I have asked you time and time again are you good with the fact that we are not having sex and your answer was yes just for you to go and fuck someone else. If you had only ask me for sex ?

I couldn’t stop crying for days, unable to control my emotions. Thought to myself that I gave my heart to a fool who couldn’t control being horny, the fact that you not only lied to me but you also lied to the person you had sex with.

I look at you differently now.

I did the unbelievable thing by forgiving you and allowing us to start afresh because I believe in us and our love.

As your cold lips met my warm lips I knew I didn’t make a mistake by trying again.

The promise we made to each other that night is what I’m holding on to and the love we have for each other.